Stop Comparing - Swim in your Own Lane
Close your eyes
and think of the last time you compared yourself to someone else, you felt
slightly intimated by what they said, the way they said it, how they looked, an
email coming through trumpeting a piece of good news or achievement.
I’m on hols
this week on a Caribbean island. It is the most relaxed I think I have ever
been in my adult life.
But already
today I’ve watched a girl who looked more carefree than I did at the pool,
someone’s skin that was going a prettier colour than mine, a couple who looked
REALLY in love at the water sports hut.
Why is it despite
everything we’ve achieved in your life we still feel inadequate. There can only
be one reason for this, we are comparing ourselves to others.
Comparison and Career Comebacks Don't Go Together
When I was looking for work after a break, in my mind everyone was professionally fulfilled except me. Everyone was doing what they wanted, being paid what they wanted, had the perfect work-life balance and had a thriving network jam-packed with associates ready to spur them on, mentor them and recommend them.
This negated anything I
achieved and my own personal brand. It was not reality. It was however, what
was stopping me from having the confidence to show up to opportunities and
network effectively. Most importantly it stopped me being contented with where
I was, at that moment.
If you want to break the cycle of feeling unaccomplished and unfulfilled, it's time to start focusing on what matters: you. It might be you’ve been focusing your energy on someone else’s swimming lane.
Some navigate the world — and relationships — searching for any bit of evidence to validate their self-limiting beliefs. Much like judge and jury, they constantly put themselves on trial and sometimes sentence themselves to a lifetime of self-criticism.
When you compare, on a fundamental level, you are telling yourself that everyone else is content, and you are not. You need to embrace your own unique story, and content. You could go further if you focused on your own unique gifts, rather than getting stuck on what others do better than you.
It’s Time to Stop Comparing and Start Doing
You got where you are
today on your own merit and not on someone else’s Facebook feed or snazzy
Linkedin profile.
I have learned that I
can’t be available for unique opportunities that fall in my path when I am busy trying
to be someone else.
When I stopped looking
at what other people had and stopped worrying about where they were in their
careers, I saw my potential and my success happened.
We get into
internal vs exteral validation. External validation comes from others’
approval. Internal validation comes from our acceptance of self, our acceptance
of all parts of ourselves good and bad. This article describes how we can start
to validate ourselves to stop the endless race with someone else’s shadow or swimming
lane.
This graphic is something you can save and use as a representation of the move forward,
from seeking approval from others (external validation) to deriving your worth
through self validation. The way to arrive at self, or internal validation, is
via those areas that are outlined.
It is so much more relaxing to Stay in Your Own Lane
By
all means read someone else’s Facebook/Instagram feed and cheer them on.
There is enough for everybody. At the school gate, someone gave me some
brilliant advice. “Wear your fluffy slippers”. What she meant was, turn up as
yourself. When I was setting up this website, I was immediately intimidated by one
particular mum blog that was all singing, all dancing. Until someone googled the
blog archives and show me how this blog started, FIVE YEARS EARLIER.
Don’t
play the game of external validation. It will be very unhelpful once you are back at work and looking for approval from others.
Use other people’s
achievements to inspire you by all means, and be grateful they’ve given you
something to aspire to. Then get back in your own training lane and go for it.
Related: Don't Be A Short Poppy
Wear Your Fluffy Slippers for Work Success
Lead image: Getty Paul Bradbury
Wear Your Fluffy Slippers for Work Success
Lead image: Getty Paul Bradbury
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